Saturday 22 February 2014

Sometimes its OK to give in!!



Although this is a comic strip the story it tells is all too familiar to parents! Sometimes it is easier to give in to our kids and keep sane….

I totally believe that you have to choose your arguments with your kids. It is not a bad thing to give in to your kids now and again - within reason that is! Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying let your kids do what they like or get everything they want. I am all on for standing your ground with kids and sticking to what you say. However lets me honest - it’s easier said than done!! Sometimes you have to be wise and do whats best for everyone’s sanity.

So next time the kids are driving you mad and the constant nagging is getting too much, why not have a rethink and ask yourself is this argument worth it? is there a compromise or alternative that you could both agree on?

Givng in does not make you a bad mammy it means you can judge when an argument is just not worth the hassle or the temper tantrums!! Sometimes it really is a toss up between being consistent or remaining sane....

Friday 21 February 2014

My son has another woman!!




I am feeling a bit odd at the moment slightly put out about what I discovered this afternoon - my son (my one and only!) has another woman or women in this case!! and if I am honest I am not totally happy with this, I should be the only woman in his life!


Let me explain I was sitting chatting to a friend who had called with her kids this afternoon when my son came over and handed me what he had got in school and forgotten to give me. As I looked at what he had brought home, I realised it was two Valentine’s cards from girls in his class.


‘Oh you got two Valentine’s cards!’ I said.


‘No mammy they are two letters!’ he said (or leh-hers as he pronounces it!!)


He refused to accept that he had received two Valentine’s cards and I let it be. Lets be honest boys of 5 years old just don’t have an interest in these kind of things - thankfully, as his mammy is not too impressed to discover MY little baby boy is growing up!!


I think what is bothering me to be honest is not that he got two Valentine’s cards (because really its so innocent - he is only 5 years old!) but it’s more that it was the first time I realised that I will not always be the main woman in his life! Now I know it is not going to happen today or tomorrow but I have to get my head around the reality that it will happen some day!

If I am finding it difficult at this age, what will I be like when it actually happens!? I can understand the reference now that you hear people say “no one is good enough for her son!” - I fear I may be one of those mothers!!

Wednesday 19 February 2014

You just never know on Google+ !?



I am new to blogging and Google+, I just started in January! I am on a learning journey with all that is involved in blogging, liking, sharing and everything else! I write it as I see it and I write about what interests me or makes me think. I am really enjoying it all, It is my thing and I look forward to my time on my laptop - undisrupted, every night!

I have to explain that my blog is for me and is about doing something for myself (Juggling Mammy and ME!!) and I am always grateful for any feedback, comments or likes I get - it is an added bonus!.

What I am discovering though is that you just never know what people are going to react to, what they are going to read, like or comment on. Now don’t get me wrong this is a good thing and an exciting process but I am always amazed that something I might think is really good or interesting may not get any reaction or something I am just mentioning might get huge reaction and feedback…... you just never know what reaction you will get!!

Has anyone else found this?



Just let kids be...!!



I read an article recently (“Is it OK to let our kids settle for ‘good enough’?” from modernmom.com) that really made me think. The article discusses the idea of our children ‘specialising’ in the activities that they love and it raises the question of what to do (or not do) when kids are just having fun doing different activities and have not yet found their ‘thing’ if they ever find their ‘thing’!

It got me thinking about my kids and what they enjoy doing. Have they found their thing? I’m not sure but then again I think they are too young yet to have found their ‘thing’. Also what does it actually mean, having your ‘thing’?? Is a child’s or adult’s ‘thing’ something they excel at? are passionate about? or is it something they just really enjoy?

My kids do have many things that they are already interested in and enjoy. My oldest loves art and crafts and my middle child likes sport (he is not quite at love!) and my youngest well she is only 2yrs so anything that involves running around and making a mess or a commotion is her thing!

I don’t see myself as a pushy mother and I am not competitive (unlike my husband!) however I do get pulled in, on the odd occasion I may add, to analysing what other kids are doing, should my kids be doing that also and how good some kids are at certain things and if I am honest I do wonder…..

This is when I stop myself and have a reality check! I do not agree and do not like comparing children, they are individuals and should be treated as such. I hope that I will always be the supportive mammy not the pushy over involved mammy. I want to encourage my kids to experience different things and to at least give it a go and see what they think about an activity or experience. If they don’t like it or don’t enjoy it then thats that!

Kids should be having fun and enjoying what they do. They should not be feeling stressed or pressured to be ‘the best’ at something. If they love something then yes they should be supported and encouraged and given lots of opportunities to follow their passion and excel in whatever it is they choose. However I also think it is important that we as parents aren’t too pushy or over involved in our kids ‘thing’ as it is their passion and not our’s.

I want to be the sort of mammy that is open and accepting and that just lets her kids be. I have enrolled my kids in various after school and club activities over the years and some they have liked and some they have dropped out of. This is fine as I want them to have the opportunity to experience lots of various activities and for them to decide what they like and don’t like, not me.

I agree with this article when it states the we tend to focus too much on the outcomes, we need to focus on the experience and how the activity is contributing to our kids lives.. Is it enriching their lives? Are they enjoying it?

Will my kids be gifted or excel at something? Will they find their thing? I don’t know and really it does not matter. What does matter is that they are enjoying life and all they do, that they are happy and having fun and having lots of laughs and giggles along the way… because not just sometimes but all the time, being good enough is good enough!!   

  

Without my children my heart would be empty....





Without my children my house would be clean and my wallet would be full but my heart would be empty!!

I came across this quote yesterday and it really summed up my thinking at present. Given the recent mess and big clean up in our house I think this quote is exactly fitting at the moment for our home. My time is a little bit house work and lot of time to the kids - isn't that what life with kids is all about?

Sunday 16 February 2014

A Pause for thought on a Monday...


A few bits to think about on a Monday….Sometimes its hard to get going or feel energized on the first day of the week ahead, maybe some of these will help!!


































Things I am glad happened this week!! (2)


I have had the most busy and crazy week and I am officially exhausted but despite all the madness it has also been a good week!! There are some things that happened that I am not happy about this week - the many late nights, kids sick again (all three of them!), too many arguments and not enough home cooked meals (bad eating habits) but there are also a few things I am glad happened this week!!


1. I got snow balled!!
We got snow this week, not a lot it only lasted for the evening. However it was enough for myself, the kids and grandparents to all get outside for a good snow ball fight!! We had such fun together. The kids had such a wonderful time throwing snowballs at mammy, nanny and grandad. We were completely overrun by all three of them, with snow balls coming from all directions and yes the kids beat us hands down - they were  far too quick for us!! We rarely get snow so it was a real threat for all of us. It was my youngest’s first time to experience snow and the first time for their grandparents to have fun in the snow with them!! It is the stuff great memories are made of…


2. I finally got some control over our home!
Our home has been in an absolute mess and so out of control since the beginning of January. How it got in to this sorry state is a combination of not having the time, not having the interest and not having the energy to do it sooner and hence it just got worse and worse and then even worse again!! It has been a crazy two weeks getting control of it but it has been so worth it. My family and I are feeling positive about our home again, we can actually find things and know where things are and we can actually see the shape and furniture in all the rooms again!! It is by no means spotless or complete but I finally feel like we have our home back...


3. Lunch for two - only!!
Myself and my husband finally got out to have a meal together on Valentine’s Day - It was great! We had been talking and trying to plan a meal together since last November so I suppose it was good going to get out 3 months later!! We had a great time and had a lovely slow relaxing lunch. Yes it was Valentines so a good reason to do it but our lunch out was less about romance and candle light but more about catching up and connecting with each other. Our only problem is with three young kids, we just don’t do it enough!!


4. Schools Out - Yea!!
My kids are on mid-term all next week and I am so happy about this. I always feel I am more in need of the break at mid terms than they are but really we all benefit for the time out from school. It is so great that we don’t have to get up at a certain time every morning or have to be out at a certain time, our days are our own to do and go where we want when we want. We plan to take it easy, have fun and relax. We will get out and about and meet friends but I want more so to reconnect with my kids over the week ahead. Given how busy I have been since January I really want to spent the time actually WITH my kids - no distractions and definitely no cleaning!!


5. Good food, good company, great friends!!
We had friends and their kids staying over at the weekend. We know them for years and get on really well. Our kids are all of similar age and also get along great together. It was lovely to catch up, chat and relax. We had a tasty dinner (even if say so myself - I made it!) and plenty of drink and laughs. I always enjoy having people over to dinner or for a stay over especially when they are good friends and have kids. Everyone benefits and has a great time!! and yes we are all wrecked now but it was such good fun!!


So that is some of the things I am glad happened this week...How was your week?   

Friday 14 February 2014

Real love is



Real love is not based on romance, candle light dinner and walks along the beach. In fact it is based on respect, compromise, care and trust!

It's Valentine's Day - Quick We Need To Be Romantic!!

                                                                                                        
                                                                                          

Don’t we?


When I look back at all the Valentine’s Days my husband and I have shared over the years (19 to be exact!), I can clearly see that things have changed! They use to be a day full of romance, love and candle light dinners. Now even though we still do the romance (well we try to be - we have three young kids), love (definitely) and the candle light dinner (well they are more a quick bite to eat out or a takeaway), somehow it all seems rushed and a bit pressurised.


I am not anti Valentine’s Day, in fact I like the idea that there is a day to celebrate love but lets be honest, its a bit harder to embrace it with kids. There is this expectation and pressure that you have to do something majorly romantic on Valentine’s Day and this idea that everything has to be fantastic and great.


This notion works well when you have the time and energy, not so much when you have three young kids, it’s a week night and you are both wrecked!! It’s a recipe for failure and it becomes one big let down. As a couple you then question - what’s wrong with us? Can we not be romantic on one day of the year at least??


So to make this day more of a success I have now taken on a new approach to Valentine’s Day. From now on I am going to look on Valentine’s Day as a day to remember that we do love each other (despite the arguments) and a day to reconnect as a couple and put aside at least for an hour or two, being a mammy and daddy!


Maybe there will still be romance, love and candle light dinners but it will happen naturally and not because it’s Valentine’s Day and we have got to be romantic!!

And so today, Valentine’s Day my Husband and I had a lovely lunch out - without the kids! We chatted and relaxed and actually caught up on what was going on in each others lives!! There was no great romance or fancy dinner but there was definitely love… just as there should be!



Thursday 13 February 2014

Night Owl Needs Sleep - Help!!



I am a total Night Owl, my Husband is a Morning Lark and my kids, all three of them are also Morning Larks!! I am alone and completely misunderstood by all my family…


Yes I am being dramatic and over the top but hey this is a real issue for me!! I am not a morning person I am very much late-to-bed, late-to-rise person. I am so slow to wake up and get going in the morning, in short the mornings just do not suit me especially the early ones!!


My kids and husband are your typical early-to-rise, early-to-bed types. 
~ They wake up in great form - I don’t! 
~ They are full of energy in the morning - I am so not! 
~ They can engage in full conversation without effort in the morning - I am mostly short syllables or a grunt in the mornings!

Can you see my problem?


Now all fellow Night Owl’s out there will understand my predicament - I am on a completely opposite body clock to my family. When they are full of energy and ready to go I am barely connected to reality, when they are winding down I am coming to and my energy levels are up!!


This situation is not supportive to having kids and more especially when your kids are all Morning Larks! My typical day comprises of getting up early and going through the motions of our morning routine and slowly engaging with the day ahead. I am busy and active all day with three young kids and then at night I sit down exhausted but just after I have my cup of tea and relax, my body clock kicks in and I become energised and alert! It is just not natural for me to be going to sleep before 12am!! I struggle with going to bed early as it is just not me (a Night Owl!) and so my problem continues I am going to bed late and getting up early....


I am sleep deprived and alone! My family have no understanding of my situation, how could they they are all on a different timezone to me. Having young kids and being a Night Owl right now is a challenge. I am living for the day when they are teenagers and I will have no problem staying up late waiting for them to come home. My body clock will come into its own then!!


Until then I will struggle on and get on with things… and yes get to bed earlier and stop whinging!!

Research says (somewhere) that one in ten are Morning Larks and about two in ten are Night Owls. The rest, called Hummingbirds, are those in the middle and are ready for action both early and late….Which are you? Are there any more Night Owl Mammys out there??








Tuesday 11 February 2014

Good Book Great Read??

‘The Midnight Rose’ by Lucinda Riley (Score 4)




I have just finished reading a great book entitled ‘The Midnight Rose’ by Lucinda Riley. I really enjoyed reading it and would recommend it to anyone looking for a good story that is well written and beautifully told. I would score this book at 4  (0 - not worth reading put it down, 5-grab it quick its the best ever!).

It is the life story of Anahita Chavan told from 1911 to the present day. What I liked most was the way the story was told and the insight you get into life in India and in England long ago. It is one of those ‘if only’ stories where one decision can have huge consequences for generations to come! Once I started reading I was hooked and this continued throughout the book. I can’t really fault this book, it is not the best book I have ever read but it is consistently good and keep me interested and wanting to know what happens next!!

It is my first Lucinda Riley book to read and I will definitely be reading more of her books. I really like her style of writing and storytelling...Lets hope her other books are just as good!!   

Copy of the Blurb (synopsis) on the back of the book:

“Spanning four generations, The Midnight Rose sweeps from the glittering palaces of the great maharajas of India to the majestic stately homes of England, following the extraordinary life of a girl, Anahita Chavan, from 1911 to the present day . .

In the heyday of the British Raj, eleven-year-old Anahita, from a noble but impoverished family, forms a lifelong friendship with the headstrong Princess Indira, the privileged daughter of rich Indian royalty. Becoming the princess’s official companion, Anahita accompanies her friend to England just before the outbreak of the Great War. There, she meets the young Donald Astbury – reluctant heir to the magnificent, remote Astbury Estate – and his scheming mother.

Eighty years later, Rebecca Bradley, a young American film star, has the world at her feet. But when her turbulent relationship with her equally famous boyfriend takes an unexpected turn, she’s relieved that her latest role, playing a 1920s debutante, will take her away from the glare of publicity to the wilds of Dartmoor in England. Shortly after filming begins at the now-crumbling Astbury Hall, Ari Malik, Anahita’s great-grandson, arrives unexpectedly, on a quest for his family’s past. What he and Rebecca discover begins to unravel the dark secrets that haunt the Astbury dynasty”



Monday 10 February 2014

Mammy Time!!



I like nothing better than a good book and a giant pot of tea!! Ahh heaven….. Reading is my escapism and relaxing time, the only problem is I don’t get enough time to enjoy this passion of mine!! Kids eh…


Recently I have been reading a lot more however and have introduced a new rule in our home - do not disturb mammy when she is having her lunch, it is mammy’s time! I have taken back this half an hour for myself and read while I am eating my lunch. I do not get up to the kids or engage with them (unless I really really have to!!) during ‘Mammy Time’. My kids have taken to it well-ish and play or watch TV while I read and have my lunch. My youngest (2yrs+) struggles at times but she is getting there!!


I read all types of books once it is written well and is not too descriptive. I read 2-3 house magazines (another passion of mine) every month as well as 1-2 books. I am not a huge fan of the daily paper. I find it very depressing at times as the paper usually has more bad news than good! I get my daily news in one brief summary from the radio with less drama and negativity.


I am always on the hunt for a good book, nothing too heavy but something with a good story that is not all about love (not mad about over the top love stories - no Mills and Boon for me!). I like a story with a bit of depth and realism, a story I can get something from. I have decided as part of this blog to include any books I read and I will rate them out of 5 (0 - not worth reading put it down, 5-grab it quick its the best ever!).


Are there any books you’d recommend? Please let me know and I’ll include them on my list….Thank you!

** The books I include on this blog will be the books I've read for my own personal interests. The aim of the section is to be a reference for anyone looking for a good book to read!!

Saturday 8 February 2014

Wild Wacky Wonderful Mom!


Wild Wacky Wonderful Mom - That's you!!

Things I am glad happened this week!


Despite all the going and all the ups and downs this week, there has been a lot of things that have happened that I am happy and glad about. Here are a few...


1. I can see the floors again!
The main thing this week for me was that I started the big ‘tidy up and throw away’ clean out in my home. There are now a few rooms that you can actually see the floor or at least most of it, once again! Down stairs is looking good in parts however upstairs is a bombsite and will be my focus for next week, I cant wait - not!!


2. I finally got all the Christmas decorations put away in the attic!
Yes on the 6th of February, over a month since Christmas officially finished I put away our decorations! They have been hanging around, some in boxes some not and some still up on the shelves and walls. They were all over the house and they were driving me mad. I have no idea why this year it took me so long to get them packed up and put away but I was so happy to close that attic door with them on the other side of it…


3. My kids are academically brilliant!
My kids are brilliant in every way but this week I had my two oldest kids Parent Teacher Meeting's (Senior and Junior Infants) and they both did excellent! I am a worry-worm sort of Mammy and I do over worry about all aspects of my kids lives. However in relation to school, I am reassured that they are both doing really well and for this I am so glad and so happy! Now they have a few bits like practicing their writing and sounds that they need to work on more but overall they are good kids, they try their best and academically and socially they are both doing great…... I am so proud!   


4. I finally made that Ikea trip!
I like many Mammys out there I’m sure, have been talking about and planning a trip to Ikea for ages now and I finally dragged my husband and kids there last Sunday. It was a quick trip because we had to be home for the Rugby match but I got all my bits and more (as usual). Our Playroom has been crying out for more storage for ages now and the toys have been piling up along walls and in tubs, it had been looking a messy sight for far too long. So off I headed with my list of storage items that I absolutely had to get and a few things that were more decorative than necessary. Now that it is all put together and in place I can report that the playroom looks great (I hope to put up some photos soon- watch this space!). I have places to put all those extra toys and the risk of stepping on and falling over toys is hugely reduced!!  
 
5. My fun night out!
I was so glad I went out last night to a Table Quiz with friends (Post 07.02.14). I was mainly going because I felt I had to as it was a fundraiser but I was so glad I went! I had a great night out, I laughed and giggled the whole night. We came third last which we were delighted with as we had not come last! I learned I know more than I think and that there is a lot I don’t know but hey I knew enough to have fun and answer a few questions!


What happened to you this week that you are glad or happy about? Let me know, there are always a few...

     

Friday 7 February 2014

Tired but happy!!



Being a mom has made me so tired, and so happy... 

This really sums up being a mammy!! I love it...

Making time for me!!



This blog is about juggling being a mammy and being me and my attempt to find a balance between the two. I went out with some friends to a table quiz tonight, it was a fundraiser so I was going mainly because I felt I had to.

However I realised after having a great night out that I need to do this more often and that I don’t go out enough!! I do have some balance - but not near enough!- between being a mammy and doing something for me. I have things I like to do that are not about the kids or home life, they are about me but the actually going out and spending a good length of time away from the home and kids, well that I rarely do!!

I think some times as busy Mammys we take time out from our kids because we are at that stage that we have to because we are stressed or fed up or we go out because there is something on that we have to attend. How often do we actually take a decent amount of time out just because we can and not because we need to? We deserve to have time out and hours off from being a mammy but we don’t do it enough, I know I certainly don’t!

This time out is for me to just be me and not a mammy for a while. It is another step I can take to reconnect to me and to having more of a balance in my life. So from now on, juggling being a mammy and being me is going to involve more time out and having more of these nights out - without the kids!!

Thursday 6 February 2014

Homework - A battle or bonding opportunity?





I have had many a battle with my oldest in trying to get her to do her homework. I have heard myself on lots of occasions asking her to ‘just sit down and do your homework’ and to ‘hurry up and get it done’. Now my oldest has only gone in to Senior Infants last September so I readily admit that I am new to this and it is only the beginning of the dreaded homework battles!!


However I also have to admit that this homework battle is not working in our home and that it is causing more hassle that it is worth. I do not like fighting with my kids and I was not comfortable with the tension that homework was causing between my oldest and I each school evening.


Just before Christmas I gave up, I had had enough and decided to put a stop to this homework craziness. I was tired of trying to get my oldest to do her homework, do it right and within a certain time frame and she was tired of the pressure of having to do her homework every evening. So come January I changed my approach to homework and changed how my oldest does her homework.


I now sit down in the afternoon with my two kids and we do the homework together and I do not put any time limit on it. Yes there are lots I need to do but I have had to let it go and yes my home has suffered - it is a mess but the tension is gone and my oldest and middle child, who just started homework after Christmas are actually enjoying doing her homework and have asked for more work to do some afternoons!!


I am a lot more relaxed and involved in doing the homework and it has made us closer. Before I would have been hovering while she did her homework and listening with a distracted ear while trying to juggle all the other things going on in our home at that time. Now we are sitting down, having uninterrupted time and working on something together and at the same time chatting and enjoying each others company. I go at their pace and with what they want to do. I can help my kids when they are struggling with an exercise and can praise them when they do well in a real and meaningful way.


I find that I am discovering lots about my kids and their academic ability and style of learning. I have learned that my oldest prefers to do most of her homework in one afternoon and does not want to be doing it over the course of 4 days. My middle child works best doing one exercise every afternoon and can only concentrate on a little at a time and needs plenty of variety to keep him interested and concentrating.
                                                                                                                    
We vary what we do and for how long each afternoon, sometimes it is just to read and maybe colour other times we do the homework exercises and extra exercises and spend longer doing homework. I go at their pace and we do what they want and we stop when they have had enough. The real change and success has been that we all chat and have fun together instead of battling against each other. My kids like this time together and almost never complain now when they have to their homework.


Now I am not saying that this is the recipe for success with regards homework, I am just sharing my experience and pleasure at how things have changed in our home at homework time. We still have our battles and arguments but this change has meant there is now definite times in the week that we sit down and actually have fun doing something that previously caused mayhem in our home!


So to conclude I would say homework can be a battle but it can also be a bonding opportunity if approached in a relaxed and positive way.


Now if I could just sort out all the other dilemmas and battles in our home…..     







Make time for homework.......